Bringing back Royal Enfield's Mad Major Bunty Golightly

It has been suggested this is a picture of Bunty Golightly in younger years.

The Royal Enfield Yahoo Group now reborn as the Royal Enfield Groups.io Forum was unique, for many reasons. For instance, useful and fun as they may have been, the other Royal Enfields forums that came along couldn't claim much literary distinction.

The old Royal Enfield Yahoo Group, on the other hand, can lay claim to the writings of Maj. Bunty Golightly.

Although he eventually showed up on other forums, the Royal Enfield Group is where he got his start. Beginning in August, 2000, this character, a retired British Army officer of the Colonel Blimp sort, entertained and outraged forum members.

Opinionated (bigoted), drunken, a lecher, the good major was also a Royal Enfiield enthusiast who often dispensed excellent advice, but always in his carefree, irresponsible, frequently insulting manner.

Of course he was fictional. The author's talent and the faceless power of the Internet obscured that. It wasn't long before other forum members found themselves behaving as though this offensive old blowhard was real. Some took very real offense, forgetting that this was satire. The author never publicly came forward, as far as I know. This increased the illusion that Bunty was real.

Bunty's speciality was puncturing balloons. He put me firmly in my place in 2004 after I had posted a lengthy and boring inquiry into whether someone who owned a Bullet would have considered buying an Interceptor, back in the day. Bunty responded:

David me dear fellow, the answer is:

Very probably, 

or

perhaps not.

Your servant ,
Bunty

P.S. Some chaps ride Triumphs! Imagine that!!!!

Brilliant! And so pointed that reading it still stings. But everyone else got a chuckle at my expense, I'm sure.

There was a suggestion that Bunty's writing be compiled into a book. He laughed that off. After he seemed to disappear in 2005 (he would return to the forums intermittently in later years) I copied and pasted his posts up to 2006 into a file on the old Royal Enfield Yahoo Group.

It was entitled "Hand Salute!" By which I meant the gesture.

In almost all cases I included only Bunty's posts, not the posts to which he was responding (to protect the innocent). Reading along you quickly figure out what is going on.

I've reposted that file, entitled "Bunty Golightly," in the Files section of the reborn group. Be sure to go to the new Royal Enfield Group Forum and register. You must register even if you were a member of the old Royal Enfield Yahoo Group.

But, in the meantime, you can read Bunty's posts, in their entirety, right here.

I hope you'll be entertained, whether reading for the first time or because you recall reading them originally.

Bunty wants a Royal Enfield twin for Christmas

Maj. Bertram "Bunty" Golightly, Royal Army (Ret.)

He's back. The inimitable Maj. Bunty Golightly, Defender of the Kickstart, is back on the Royal Enfield Yahoo Group, demanding details about the (presumably) upcoming new Royal Enfield twin.

The suddenly outspoken major, absent for a time from the forum, now wants to buy one of the new twin-cylinder Royal Enfield motorcycles as a sidecar hack. He writes:

"Bunty wants to be at the head of the queue for this new twin, by hook or by crook — don't yer know. Grubby Dipstick has been commissioned to build a sidecar and I am desirous of a commencement of the project before the wretch disappears into an old peoples' home."

You can follow his entire rant on the forum. It includes his "British Army remedy" for low morale among group members, who have waited too long for the dreamed-of replacement for the Constellations and Interceptors of yore.

At least we have to wait no longer for news that Bunty is still active, and in fact has stumbled on a cache of Enfields — muzzle loaders — in the dungeons of his family manor, Blotto Hall.

Bunty also hints that he has been on some sort of top secret mission for Her Majesty's Government.

He won't say what it was, but I assume whatever he did would explain Brexit, at the very least.

Egad! "Bunty" selling Royal Enfield? "Blimp" sold Norton!

Col. Blimp spoke for Norton. Could Maj. Bunty speak for Royal Enfield?

It is inconceivable that Royal Enfield will ever adopt as its spokesman the outspoken Maj. Bertram "Bunty" Golightly, British Army (retired).

And, yet, there is a precedent.

The master of Blotto Hall, shooter of peasants (along with pheasants), dallier with "fillies" (and horses, too), connoisseur of drink, and proud bigot,"Bunty" has absolutely nothing to recommend himself — except knowledge of, and loyalty to, Royal Enfield motorcycles.

These characteristics have been enough to delight members of several Royal Enfield Yahoo message groups and bring others to sputtering outrage.

Bunty Golightly as a young man.
(Maybe.)

Bunty is unreliable — his Yahoo posts stop for months at a time. No known image of him exists, although he has been identified with the dapper gentleman atop a Royal Enfield.

Perhaps worst of all, he is (probably) fictional, although he insists he's real.

Could a serious corporate entity such as Royal Enfield put up with all this?

Norton did.

It's true. The Bunty Golightly who frequents Yahoo message groups devoted to Royal Enfield in the 21st Century is unquestionably based on "Colonel Blimp," a pre-World War II cartoon drawn by artist David Low.

The overweight and overwrought cartoon Blimp usually held forth swathed only in a towel, fresh from a steam bath at his club.

"Egad, Sir!" he would announce. "England must keep her colonies, even if that means we have to buy a geography book and figure out where they are!"

In 1943, the character of Blimp came to life in the movie "The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp," starring Roger Livesey. Winston Churchill tried to block the film, concerned that it would sap army morale in wartime.

Nothing was further from the truth, as the good-hearted Blimp clearly represented the sometimes bumbling yet sincere and caring British character.

Blimp was so attractive, despite his blubber and blubbering colonialism, that during World War II Norton motorcycles used his cartoon image in an advertisement.

The copy reads:

"Dear Old Colonel Blimp, in his sarong and astride a Norton too! For evermore! And just listen to the old boy... "Gad, Sir! this IS progress! In my view Beveridge should provide a Norton for every able-bodied youth reaching his majority. I understand this is the world's best road-holder. I'm glad to hear it. We must hold our roads as well as our Colonies... in the post-war race this machine will take first place. Gad, Sir! after the peace the pace, what?"

The ad makes amends to Blimp's creator this way: "With apologies and acknowledgements to LOW."

Could Bunty emerge as spokesman for Royal Enfield? Doubtful. His creator would have to step forward to accept credit (if not payment). I would love to meet the man behind Bunty.

Royal Enfield tidings of comfort and joy from Bunty

"Merry Christmas Bulleteers!"

Royal Enfield owners got their Christmas present Monday when "A Royal Enfield Carol" arrived from Maj. Bertram "Bunty" Golightly.

To be sung to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen," Bunty's lyrics celebrate the events of the past year, including the introduction of the new Continental GT.

(To the Good Major's eye, the new cafe racer just won't do for hauling his sidecar rig from manor to pub and back.)

While Bunty himself is likely the fictional creation of some very clever Royal Enfield fan, the events he references are real. I was delighted to find my own Continental GT ride included for comment:


Old Blasco went to London town,

       An Enfield to test ride,

And at the Ace of Cafes

       A bright red "Conti" spied,

He wobbled down to Brighton,

       So slow we almost cried,



Oh bloggings of Comfort and Joy,

Comfort and Joy,

Oh bloggings of Comfort and Joy.

I won't spoil it by quoting more. Bunty posted the full song on the Royal Enfield (post #76954) and Bullet-Mania (post #31588) Yahoo message groups. Check it out.

It's all in good cheer. Bunty closes with:

Merry Christmas Bulleteers!

I raise me glass to ye.

Tally Ho Ho Ho !

Yours etc

Bunty

"Bunty" blames Gremlins for Bullet oil plug mystery

Who has been loosening the oil filler plug?

Nobody took me seriously when I complained that the gearbox oil filler plug on my Royal Enfield Bullet unscrewed itself — this after weeks of being jammed so tightly shut that I could not open it with my biggest wrench.

Don't you realize how much this bothers me? Huh? Huh? How can I sleep, knowing that my Royal Enfield is playing tricks on me?

Fortunately, solace on this real life dilemma has come at last. True, it's tongue in cheek.

Perhaps worse, it comes from someone who is undoubtedly themselves purely fictional: Maj. Bertram "Bunty" Golightly.

In a note to the Royal Enfield Yahoo group, Bunty writes:

Greetings Blasco, quite a conundrum eh what?

Unscrewing of filler plugs and similar jiggerypokery, has to be Gremlins, no doubt about it old chap.

Gremlins for sure, probably aged old grey haired Gremlins (suffering from Alzheimer's disease).

Florida is well known fer it don't yer know, they sneak through customs undetected in the luggage of absent minded old journalists.

Hang a little bell on the bike — there's good chap — and the Gremlin will bugger orf, or leave him a glass of port in the garage and he'll be happy to leave the bike alone. I have the servants leave a glass of port in the motor garage every night and we haven't had a Gremlin for 40 years by gad. (The glass is always empty every morning so we know the blighter is still about.)

Good hunting!

Your servant,

Maj. Bunty Golightly MBH, Defender of the Kickstart, Companion of the Royal Floatchamber, last of the great white Gremlin hunters

Doubt the Major I do not, and never would, but I wonder: if the motorcycle is in the garage and not moving, how is the bell to ring? I guess it's the port I need. Just the thing, in fact!

Royal Enfield's Maj. "Bunty" presses on, regardless

Maj. Bunty?

Just when all seemed lost, who should rush once more into the breach but Maj. Bunty Golightly MBH, Defender of the Kickstart, Companion of the Royal Floatchamber!

The good major is possibly the Internet's most devout living fan of Royal Enfield motorcycles — a status he has achieved despite in all probability being a completely fictional character.

Maj. Golightly appears (as far as I can tell) only in occasional postings on Yahoo Group message boards devoted to Royal Enfields.

Recently, Yahoo imposed a new Groups format that has left users across the Internet gasping in rage. Important features they depended on seemed to disappear. But "Bunty" (as readers know him) has not disappeared.

While the situation is not yet firmly in hand, the major has made it clear that he, at least, is still standing.

In a message posted recently on the Royal Enfield Yahoo Group, he fires a volley across the bow of a contributor who suggests stuffing a Yamaha twin cylinder motor into a Royal Enfield Bullet frame.

"Ye Gods," he opens, "...The Yamahaha engined Enfield is an abomination..."

In line with standard operating procedure, his post is complete with appreciative references to lusty barmaids, unappreciative references to "tartish" Triumph motorcycles and a politically incorrect swipe at the Japanese.

Apparently, all is well with Bunty. Carry on.

The major's postings, always bracing (and often outrageous), come and go. After first appearing in August, 2000, he seemed to disappear from Yahoo in 2005. In January, 2006, fearing the major had gone for good, I compiled all of his postings into a file entitled "Hand Salute!" in the Files section of the Yahoo Royal Enfield Group.

Another group member, Michael Bevins, unwittingly did the same thing in 2007, compiling the postings into a file he called "Maj. Bunty Golightly."

I am delighted to discover that Yahoo's new format did not erase these compilations. They're still there, on the Royal Enfield Yahoo Group, for your pleasure. (Click the "More" button to find "Files" and then scroll way, way down to find them.)

Both files make for — as Bunty might say — dashed good reading.

I've suggested that Bunty's creator, whoever he is, patterns the major after the pre-war British cartoon character Col. Blimp.

Col. Blimp may outrank Maj. Golightly, but in the ranks of blowhards, the major nearly surpasses him.

In the ranks of Royal Enfield motorcyclists — fictional ones, at least — Bunty remains unsurpassed.

Christmas wishes from Royal Enfield's Bunty Golightly

Maj. Bunty Golightly wishes Royal Enfield riders a Merry Christmas.

Just when holiday shopping was wearing me down and Peace on Earth seemed an impossible dream, the nicest Christmas gift landed in my email.

It is "Royal Enfield Christmas," posted on the Royal Enfield Yahoo group by Maj. Bertram "Bunty" Golightly. It's Bunty's version of "T'was The Night Before Christmas," featuring his lingerie clad personal assistant and Santa riding a Royal Enfield sidecar combination.

Check it out on the Royal Enfield group (it's posted on the Bullet Mania group as well). I won't spoil it, but here's one favorite passage:

More rapid than beezas the outriders came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name,
Now Cruiser now Clipper, now Interceptor and Bullet,
On Meteor on Ensign, my Model K you must pull it,
Across the courtyard to the old garage wall,
Now rev away, rev away, rev away all...

I've never succeeded in uncovering the author of Bunty's inspired rants on all things Royal Enfield, female and alcoholic. Bunty insists, when challenged, that he really is a retired British Army major and master of the Golightly family estate, Blotto Hall, in Much Piddling, Merryshire, England.

His Yahoo profile tells us that he is interested in: "Motorbicycling, shooting anything that moves including game animals, peasants and Chinese scooters, foxhunting with the Bullethounds, haggis breeding, chasing fillies, enthusiastic imbiber of alcoholic beverages, adding pertinent comments to otherwise dull correspondence (probably your correspondence)."

Delightful past-times all, I am sure.

Merry Christmas, Major.

Royal Enfield's Bunty is back, in virtual reality terms

Some say this is Bunty, but I have my doubts.

Royal Enfield's stoutest (I'll have a pint as well, if you don't mind) supporter is back. Again.

In probably the least appreciated literary tour de force in the history of the English language, Maj. Bertram "Bunty" Golightly, British Army (retired) has kept fans of Royal Enfield motorcycles laughing since August of 2000. Except — sometimes — he's not there.

Now he's back, tormenting the servants around his Blotto Hall manor, casting an appreciative eye on the latest serving girl and commenting on the merits of the world's motorcycles (all quite similar to the merits of the world's women, in his view).

Along the way he offers technical advice on the restoration and maintenance of Royal Enfield motorcycles while incidentally insulting people of most nationalities and all motorcycles not made in Britain. Oh, and some of those, too.

There are limits to the major's reach, however. For one thing, he's almost certainly fictional — although he denies it.

As best I can tell, Bunty's comments appear only on Yahoo messages groups devoted to Royal Enfields. His missives seemed to disappear entirely in 2005, but then resumed in spurts. One long absence was explained by a claim to have been incarcerated.

Suddenly he's back, and in fine form, and at his original venue, the Yahoo Royal Enfield message board.

Mere excerpts do no justice to the major's rants, which are typically signed with some variation of "Cheers, Your servant, Maj Bunty Golightly MBH, Defender of the Kickstart, Companion of the Float Chamber."

Nevertheless, here are a few snips from recent posts:

"Motorcycles, it has been my observation, reflect the females of the country of manufacture.American motorcycles tend to be of gargantuan proportions, dress in a very gauche manner, have no sense of propriety and are inordinately loud at both ends. However they are generous of nature and an Englishman does not like to be rude and never refuses a ride when offered — lord no."

"Of motor cars, I know little and care even less, they are the conveyance of the unfortunate less educated social orders and 'tis not polite to mention them — by Jove."

"And treat your motorcycle like a horse, hound, servant or wife, it's bad form to let 'em idle too much — just so."

"With ignition and sparks in mind, how about a sparkling wine? Better still some bubbly — eh? Ballsack, a bottle of Meteor et Constellation '59 if you please."

Who writes this stuff? Bunty has been careful never to step out of character and my attempts to draw him out of his disguise have failed. Frankly, I almost hope never to succeed.

Royal Enfield's mad Maj. Bunty approves; sort of

Is it really Maj. Golightly? Of course. He can not be imitated.

Royal Enfield Motorcycles (this blog!) has received to my mind the highest possible compliment. (This may say something about the state of my mind.)

Others have congratulated me on the new banner across the top of the blog. But the comment that means the most to me comes from Maj. Bertram "Bunty" Golightly.

Maj. Golightly is almost certainly fictitious, despite "his" denials. If he's real, he must be mad — or, at least, madcap. He's a bigot, a sexist and a confirmed colonialist in the tradition of Col. Blimp.

However, the major's loyalty to Royal Enfield is unchallenged. For years, he led the Royal Enfield Yahoo  message group on a mad cavalry charge (mounted on Royal Enfield sidecar rig) against windmills far and wide. He still haunts Internet forums devoted to the brand.

The fact is, I can find no proof of his existence outside those forums except that on one rare occasion he wrote me directly. To my knowledge, only Royal Enfield guru Pete Snidal claims to have met the major in person.

And, now, the major (it could not be an imposter — could it?) has posted a comment on this blog, congratulating me and the young woman who designed the new banner:

Not bad Blasco, not bad at all.
I think the filly has done a fine job, even managed to get the flag the right way up — don't yer know.


You should give some credit to our Indian chums though — eh what? The poor blighters must be feeling quite left out, having made the ruddy bikes, haar haaaaar haaaaaaaaaar!


Oh by the way, "Happy New Year."
Tally Ho!
Bunty 

Thanking the major, you can't trust a pair of Yanks to get the Union Jack right side up — in fact, until I Googled it just now, I didn't know it could be upside down. That was just dumb luck.

As for forgetting India's contribution to preserving the brand: no excuse sir!

UPDATE: Check the Comments below for more from the major.

Royal Enfield's major fan, Bunty Golightly, is back

Stop me if you've heard this one: Bunty's back.

Bertram Golightly, the charmingly bigotted British Army major (retired), expert on and lover of all things Royal Enfield, recently posted a comment on his old stalking ground, the Royal Enfield Yahoo message board.

The mad — and probably fictional —  major has been only an infrequent visitor since 2005. His lunatic posts first reduced the message board's stalwarts to angry blithering in 2000.

His most recent comment is a friendly response to a question about the resale value of Royal Enfield motorcycles:

Greetings chums,
I must say I am totally baffled by this question, don't yer know .
Only a complete nincompoop would be so infernally dim.
Bullets my dear chap are, like a good horse or a comely filly, for life.
One simply does not dispose of them on the open market — ye Gods!
It is one's duty to nurture the beast, provide love and care, spit and polish, a firm hand on the throttle and a smooth swing on the kickstarter. Heavens above! 'Tis a living being, not a beastly plastic consumer product.
D'yer see, a hound must be fed and exercised to be able to hunt efficiently, just so with a Bullet .Count ye not the cost of ownership, but rather do thy duty by the motorbicycle .
Then, when it has come to the end of its working life, one must continue with one's duty, face it square on and dispatch it with a single shot from one's Webley .455.
To do any less would be cruelty indeed .
The talk of disposing of Bullets makes me maudlin — time for a beverage — quite so!
Aha, a bottle of "Unite Cinqcents," mmn haven't tried that one, seems full of promise, but may need time to mature .

Tally ho !
Your servant,
Maj Bunty Golightly,
MBH, REOC, Defender of the Kickstart

Before Bunty, Blimp was Britain's battleax

One of my favorite films is The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp, not least because it opens with a terrific scene of British Army dispatch riders in action on their motorcycles. The rider who delivers the message is referred to as a "Don-R" — military speak for Dispatch Rider.

The original Colonel Blimp was a cartoon character that first appeared in British newspapers of the 1930s. Fat and bald, with a walrus mustache, the colonel was often found holding forth in the Turkish bath at his club.

"Egad, Sir!" he would announce. "England must keep her colonies, even if that means we have to buy a geography book and figure out where they are!"

Or: "War is not inevitable and never will be unless we do something about it!"

The similarities to Royal Enfield's own Major Bertram "Bunty" Golightly are obvious, although Bunty makes his outrageous statements on the Internet. Col. Blimp got quite a promotion in 1943, when he became the subject of Life and Death, by movie makers Michael Powell and Emerc Pressburger.

Actor Roger Livesey brought Blimp to life as British officer (eventually general) Clive Wynne-Candy.

Making a Technicolor comedy about an overweight British general during World War II was controversial. Winston Churchill personally tried to block distribution of the film, for fear it would hurt army morale.

Powell was denied military help making the picture, a real problem since nearly all the male actors of military age were in the military in 1942. Plastic manikins in uniform were used to fill out crowd scenes.

When the Ministry of Information asked Powell where he DID get the guns and other materials shown in the movie, he said he responded "we stole them, sir; you just don't understand how studio prop men work. They'll get you anything."

The authorities might not have liked it, but audiences adored the patriotic old officer. Besides, if Clive wasn't worth fighting for, the then 21-year-old Deborah Kerr, lips Technicolor red, certainly was.

IMDB photo

Ultimately, The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp was a terrifically effective propaganda film. Today the lengthy speeches about the need to fight Nazism would be left unsaid. But they were accurate enough. Pressburger wrote them; born in Hungary, he had fled that evil.

If you haven't seen the film, here's a bit of a spoiler: Clive Wynne-Candy doesn't die in the end. For the man who invented Colonel Blimp, however, the end of the war did eventually bring an end to his creation. Cartoonist David Low wrote in his autobiography:

"When World War II ended there was just as much mental muddle in the world, perhaps even more than before; but Blimp as a character had become too identified with the pre-war and war years to fit easily into the post-war chapter."

Luckily, in our Bunty, fans of Royal Enfield motorcycles can still enjoy the outrageous pronouncements of just such a patriotic blowhard. The Royal Enfield Military model is a decent substitute for the dispatch rider's motorcycle of World War II.

I know of no substitute for Deborah Kerr.

A mad letter from Enfield's Major Bunty

I was the proud recipient recently of a personal email from the most famous Royal Enfield personality who probably never existed. Yes, I mean Maj. Bertram "Bunty" Golightly, the (probably) fictional British Army officer whose outrageous comments on motorcycles, women and booze have entertained fans of Royal Enfields on at least two Yahoo message boards.

The Major's latest posts on the Bullet-Mania group have described his efforts to recapture the Golightly family estate, Blotto Hall. He is also working on a homemade motorcycle fairing, its headlight opening crafted by blasting with a shotgun.

I wrote the Major, who claims to be in his 80's, to ask for a more up-to-date photo of himself to use on this blog. No picture was forthcoming, but the reply paints a nice mental picture of Bunty. Here's the letter:

My Dear Mr Blasco ,

(I shall ask Mrs Slackcrumpet to type this slowly so that you, as a foreigner, may be better able to understand.)

How awfully kind of you to write from the former colonies and welcome poor old Bunty back into the Bullet-Mania fold, however such curiosity from a colonial rustic makes one fear that you may indeed be in the employ of the Inland Revenue — The Swines! Your collusion with the manual peddling cad Snidal is doubly suspicious — quite so! So forgive me if I am a trifle circumspect — d'ye see?

There is no photograph of meself, as I have banned the use of nasty Jappo technology on the estate — harrumph. However if I should be fortunate to, once again, resume my country seat, you will be permitted to send over your personal artist to paint a miniature of my portrait which hangs (or used to hang) on the great staircase of Blotto Hall. I suggest that you instruct him to bring over a contribution in the form of a suitable beverage (if such a thing exists in America) as painting can be deuced thirsty work for meself .

Anyroad Blasco, I'm a busy fellow these days and have to run along and count the result of today's peasant shoot. I believe I had 12 brace and a picnicker; there were two of 'em but I think I only winged the second one — might have to send out the hounds to finish him orf.

Your servant, Bunty, MBH etc. etc.

Want to know more about the delightful Major? Here are links to previous posts about him:

Bunty's banner still flies
Royal Enfield's Bunty Golightly -- didn't
Bunty was Royal Enfield's major major
Enfield's Bunty never said "die"
He met the man behind Bunty
Bunty's 10 Commandments