|Some say this is Bunty, but I have my doubts.|
In probably the least appreciated literary tour de force in the history of the English language, Maj. Bertram "Bunty" Golightly, British Army (retired) has kept fans of Royal Enfield motorcycles laughing since August of 2000. Except — sometimes — he's not there.
Now he's back, tormenting the servants around his Blotto Hall manor, casting an appreciative eye on the latest serving girl and commenting on the merits of the world's motorcycles (all quite similar to the merits of the world's women, in his view).
Along the way he offers technical advice on the restoration and maintenance of Royal Enfield motorcycles while incidentally insulting people of most nationalities and all motorcycles not made in Britain. Oh, and some of those, too.
There are limits to the major's reach, however. For one thing, he's almost certainly fictional — although he denies it.
As best I can tell, Bunty's comments appear only on Yahoo messages groups devoted to Royal Enfields. His missives seemed to disappear entirely in 2005, but then resumed in spurts. One long absence was explained by a claim to have been incarcerated.
Suddenly he's back, and in fine form, and at his original venue, the Yahoo Royal Enfield message board.
Mere excerpts do no justice to the major's rants, which are typically signed with some variation of "Cheers, Your servant, Maj Bunty Golightly MBH, Defender of the Kickstart, Companion of the Float Chamber."
Nevertheless, here are a few snips from recent posts:
"Motorcycles, it has been my observation, reflect the females of the country of manufacture.American motorcycles tend to be of gargantuan proportions, dress in a very gauche manner, have no sense of propriety and are inordinately loud at both ends. However they are generous of nature and an Englishman does not like to be rude and never refuses a ride when offered — lord no."
"Of motor cars, I know little and care even less, they are the conveyance of the unfortunate less educated social orders and 'tis not polite to mention them — by Jove."
"And treat your motorcycle like a horse, hound, servant or wife, it's bad form to let 'em idle too much — just so."
"With ignition and sparks in mind, how about a sparkling wine? Better still some bubbly — eh? Ballsack, a bottle of Meteor et Constellation '59 if you please."
Who writes this stuff? Bunty has been careful never to step out of character and my attempts to draw him out of his disguise have failed. Frankly, I almost hope never to succeed.