Royal Enfield reviews: Accept no Substitutes

Battle Green Royal Enfield Classic 500 reviewed
on Gizmag.com (Loz Blain photo)

It's despicable, but there are websites out there that copy the work of legitimate writers and post garbled versions on the Internet, often fooling search engines into ranking them higher than the originals.

This happened recently to a critical but amusing review of the Royal Enfield Classic 500 by writer Loz Blain of Gizmag.com

His clever turns of phrase were translated into almost unintelligible drivel and posted on a site called ulterTech.com

The original author wrote:

"On the other hand, you can pick up something like the Classic 500 motorcycle, in this case done up in army green as a homage to the motorcycles of World War 2, for about the same price as your average commuter bike."

The pirate software turned that into this:

"On the opposite hand, you’ll acquire one thing just like the Classic 500 cc bike, during this case wrapped in army inexperienced as a deference to the motorcycles of war two, for concerning constant worth as your average commuter bike."

Fantastic: "army green" becomes "army inexperienced." Only a search engine's robots would mistake this clownish translation for real writing. But the phony version came first in the Google alert results I got.

The automated site favors us with this:

"Mind you, if someone very desires to own a go, your goose is braised."

What the hell? Here's the original version:

"Mind you, if somebody really wants to have a go, your goose is cooked."

The original author wrote:

"There's already an undercurrent of modern western city riders who long for the simplicity and charisma of these old-school classic style bikes."

The bastard version put it this way:

"There’s already associate degree undercurrent of recent western town riders who long for the simplicity and personal appeal of those old-school classic vogue bikes."

Sure it's funny. But the fact is that the original author is being ripped off and the phony version could inadvertently provide a harmful translation.

I wish Google observed the old adage "Accept No Substitutes."

Or, as the pirate software might put it: "Take No Alternatives."

That's me: Q&A about RoyalEnfields.com

Classic Motorworks newsletter carries a Q&A with RoyalEnfields.com

Here's a bit of shameless self-promotion: Your humble servant is the subject of a Q&A article in the August edition of the Classic Motorworks newsletter.

Here are some click-bait teasers:

YOU WON'T BELIEVE what they asked!

YOU'LL BLUSH at the answers!

Probably not either. But it is good clean fun. You can read the full interview here.

Thoughts on riding and Royal Enfields on Fuzzygalore.com

A Royal Enfield Desert Storm makes you think.

Travels by Royal Enfield figure occasionally on the amusing Fuzzygalore.com, a self-described "Girlie Motorcycle Blog."

It's author is "a girl from New York who loves riding motorcycles." She gives her name as Rachael, but says most people address her as "Fuzzy."

There's no fuzzy thinking here. One fantastic feature is her link to "free paper maps" for many of the 50 U.S. states. Here I discovered a fascinating brochure listing the locations where movies were filmed in my own state of Florida.

The blog does include gentle contemplation, as when she muses about "The Beauty of Simple Machines," meaning a Royal Enfield Desert Storm.

Anyone who has ridden a Royal Enfield any distance will appreciate Fuzzy's take on the dingbat questions people ask about the motorcycle, entitled "Making Friends, Meeting People: Royal Enfield Edition."

But whether the subject is Royal Enfield or road trips, Fuzzygalore.com is just a fun place to poke around on a rainy afternoon.

Photos of 1926 Royal Enfield make me smile

Shannon "Buddha" Baker photographed a 1926 Royal Enfield motorcycle at the 2010 Harvest Classic European and Vintage Motorcycle Rally in Luckenbach, Texas Oct. 22 and 23.

He knew right where to send the pictures. Feast your eyes.

Baker writes the Backroads Buddha blog  about his adventures riding the back roads of Texas. His ride reports and reasoned opinions about all things motorcycle are always a delight and are always well illustrated with photographs.

His pictures of the awesome 1926 Royal Enfield left me feeling impressed and, at the same time, grateful that my 1999 Royal Enfield is based on a 1955 design.

For one thing, look at the amazingly complex, and no doubt delicate (exposed gears!) device that drives the speedometer from the front wheel.

On the other hand there is the tire pump conveniently nestled along the top of the flat gas tank. Handy and yet safely away from getting caught in the spokes. By 1955 there would be no really practical place to attach a pump.

1926 Royal Enfield

I immediately jumped over to Jorge Pullin's Virtual Royal Enfield Museum, a growing, year-by-year resource for information on Royal Enfields. The 1926 entry has a picture of a similar machine and we learn it was a new design. The year 1925, I also learned, was the first for internal expanding drum brakes on a Royal Enfield.

Still another reason I appreciate my 1999 Royal Enfield. You only think the brakes couldn't be worse.

One thing I envy about the flat-tank era: the curious rectangular luggage tucked above the rear wheel. The implication, I suppose: Yes, you need to bring tools. But not many.

A hot tip on an 'old Royal Enfield' for sale

"A friend had found an old Royal Enfield for sale. The price sounded right so I had to go and check it out."

That's how John, who blogs at Bikin-Ridin-NWA, describes an adventure that turned out to be something completely different than he expected.

I won't spoil the story for you, but bounce over to his blog to read it. It will brighten your day.

Before you go, let me warn you that John labels his items "(f)", which, he says, stands for "faction" — a "fictional account based on actual facts. You will see this on all my posts because sometimes it just plain sounds better all fancied up...don't ya know!"

"NWA" stands for Northwest Arkansas, and most of John's blog seems to consist of pleasantly told accounts of rides there. He is a "proud member of the 365 Group," and so is dedicated to riding his motorcycle every day.

New links make best content easier to find

There's a lot to say about Royal Enfield motorcycles and the people who ride them. I've posted more than 600 items since this Royal Enfield Motorcycles blog began in 2008.

You'll find some of my best listed under the new links that appear across the top of my blog: History, Technical Tips, Buying and Selling, Great Stories, Fun Stuff, Videos and Factory Tour.

There's the story of the Mad Major, "Bunty" Golightly, the (presumably fictional) character who rode his love for Royal Enfields across the Internet.

There's the real story of Jim Luzier, who died before he could finish restoration of a rare Royal Enfield, but left a clue behind for those who might follow.

There's the Factory Tour of the Royal Enfield plant at Chennai, India, filmed by Royal Enfield USA president Kevin Mahoney himself.

If you really care, you'll click the About Me link to learn about my own experiences with my 1999 Royal Enfield Bullet. (I've modestly left it to last.)

Wheez! WHEEZ! That's the sound of me blowing my own horn. Check out the links. I'll be adding more content to them regularly.

Royal Enfields are different, that's all

This blog was founded as a result of my enthusiasm for Royal Enfield motorcycles. Nothing more.

But in the more than a year since this Royal Enfields blog debuted, I've come to believe there really was a need for it.

My reasoning is that Royal Enfields are just special, that's all. And, because they are special, they are misunderstood.

Royal Enfield motorcycles have been made as long as Harley-Davidson motorcycles; but few people in the United States ever heard of Royal Enfield.

They are British style motorcycles. But they are built in India.

When they were built in Britain they were, for a time, sold in the United States as "Indians."

Their design had remained virtually unchanged since 1955 — until 2009, when they became almost modern.

Until recently, they shared all the finicky features of vintage motorcycles. The latest models are different, but for most of 50 years you could count on this:

They were powerful. But slow.

They were easy to kick start if you knew the procedure. If you didn't, they were impossible to kick start.

They looked old but came with dumb looking modern turn signals.

The horn brackets eventually broke. All of them.

Their transmissions had always been clunky but for or sale in the United States the shift mechanism was altered: it was made worse.

And then here was the ultimate difference: Royal Enfields were genuine, old-fashioned vintage motorcycles; but how could a vintage motorcycle have a manufacture date of 1999? You were buying a "classic" but not a rare one: they're still coming off the production line by the tens of thousands!

That means your "investment" is unlikely to ever increase in value. But it also means that you are free to modify the motorcycle, run it hard and just plain use it up (if you can — go ahead and try). It isn't an irreplaceable treasure bound for a museum.

Like I say, Royal Enfield motorcycles are just different. I love them for it.

Royal Enfield motorcycle blog thumps along

Blogging may be one of the best ways to make money on the Internet, I don't know; but it is certainly not a sure thing. My first post for www.royalenfields.com went up July 28, 2008. With blind faith I expected that blogging would pay off, somehow.

One year later, without accounting for expenses, I have made $147.65. The payoff came in the fun I've had.

The great thing about the Internet is that you can see how you are doing. People vote with their eyeballs on whether or not they like your content. As of the end of July, according to Google Analytics, I've had 59,364 visits from 137 countries and territories and 114,305 pageviews. www.royalenfields.com has had 29,666 unique visitors.

How does all this compare to other web sites? Pretty small potatoes, I am sure. Still, according to Google, my blog has a page rank of 2 on a scale of 1-to-10. Doesn't sound like much, I know, but it may be good enough.

Google page rank is a mysterious thing. The long established and information packed web site of Royal Enfield's official U.S. importer is only a 4. The impressive web site of Royal Enfield India itself is a 6.

The New York Times is a 9. But, when you Google "Royal Enfield motorcycles," my blog is, for the moment, on the first page of the results you get. The New York Times is nowhere. Heh-heh. I will take victory where I can get it.

So far, 54 people have signed up to become "followers" of this blog, meaning they can easily keep track of what I post. I treasure every one of those people. Some of them, and many others who haven't formally signed on, have given me tips and feeds and suggestions that have kept me motivated.

These visitors also help support the blog by taking note of the Google ads scattered around and clicking on those that interest them. I get paid by your click. But please don't click on them just to reward me. Whatever they are (I'm not allowed to click on the ads so I don't know), they are their own best reward.

Another way I earn money is when readers such as yourself use the Amazon search box on this page to find and buy things, including books. You can search for anything Amazon sells, but the search box here is prepopulated with Royal Enfield items on the chance you might be interested.

I do not earn any revenue from the motorcycles listed for sale on this blog. Look at them, click on them, enjoy seeing what's out there at what price. I do.

Aside from those listings, I have posted more than 365 feature items in my year of work. I know some of you have learned about Royal Enfield motorcycles and even bought one partly as a result of this blog. That is very satisfying. Hopefully anyone I have injured or insulted along the way will forgive me.

I've had a tremendous amount of fun doing this, and I have learned a lot. In particular, I couldn't have spent a year writing about Royal Enfields and not learned a little bit about India, a place that for me always seemed far away and so strange as to be unknowable. I am still very ignorant about India, but I think I begin to grasp its size and immense energy, along with the enthusiasm for these motorcycles.

I haven't even begun to write about all the people and things I want to feature on the blog. I'm thrilled to start work on Royal Enfield Motorcycles every morning. Please comment or make suggestions on the comments form below about how I can improve this blog in the coming year. Email me your story suggestions and photos at david@royalenfields.com

All best.