250cc Chinese hard tail chopper worth a closer look

What's this 250cc motorcycle from China doing at a polo meet?

The valets at the polo grounds in Wellington, Fla. were going to have to deal with two Bentley convertibles — both white — observed my friend, author Douglas Kalajian, as he waited to park his Acura at a recent match.

Would they park the Bentleys side by side?

Bentleys by the bucket load were no surprise at polo in Palm Beach County. What I did not expect to see, tucked away near the clubhouse, was a 250cc Chinese motorcycle built to resemble an American hard tail chopper.

Among the Google ads you'll see on this blog from time to time is an ad for just such a motorcycle from Scooter Depot, a California importer.

Catalog picture of the 250cc chopper from Scooter Depot.

Their bare bones chopper, with apehanger handlebars and a just-introduced springer front end, was offered on the Internet recently for $2,559, plus $69 for a six-month warranty, plus $299 for shipping. Roughly $3,000.

It might be fun, but the stark, over-long frame and exaggerated handlebars are unattractive. I can't get over how long the drive chain looks! There is no vintage reference to the motorcycles of yore, either: Scooter Depot is careful to hide any sign of a brand name in its catalog pictures. You've doubtless never heard of the Chinese builder anyway.

The Scooter Depot ad indicates that I can specify my first choice and second choice for a color (black and matte black are the only two offered) but presumably I will have to take what comes in the box.

Despite the obvious resemblance, the motorcycle I saw at polo was not one of those; not exactly. The motorcycle I saw was labelled "thaHeist 250," by Cleveland Cycle Werks. The spelling of "tha" and "Werks" tell you this is a motorcycle from the age of rap, not rock.

The motorcycle I spotted was thaHeist 250 from Cleveland Cycle Werks.

Despite a likely common origin, Cleveland Cycle Werks claims bespoke touches to its motorcycle that the Scooter Depot machine may lack. According to its website:

"We do not completely assemble our bikes in the USA. We leverage Chinese cost advantage to complete our bikes and keep them extremely affordable. We do however support over 50 families in the USA with jobs. Our products are the result of passion put forth by many people in Cleveland. The motorcycle business is not easy and we would not be doing this if we were not passionate about it. Many late nights and 20 hour workdays were spent to complete the Heist. Designed, prototyped and engineered in Cleveland Ohio."

Elsewhere on the site, Cycle Werks founder Scott Colosimo dismisses concerns that his 250cc motorcycle might be unsatisfying.

"I get guys telling me all the time that they are too much a man to ride a 250cc bike. Really? They tell me that I have no idea what it is like to ride a 1000cc bike. Well, before CCW, I was pursuing a lovely track day and race addiction piloting my Ducati 749s Monoposto past many GSXR 1000 and 750s. For the street, I go straight for the smaller bikes every time. A liter bike gets me into too much trouble on the street."

ThaHeist I spotted looked left out in the weather.

The Heist I spotted was obviously not new and perhaps not well cared for, as spots of corrosion peeked through on the bright work. Photos on the Cleveland Cycle Werks website show the no doubt improved 2013 model. MSRP is given as $3,295.

2013 thaHeist in Cleveland Cycle Werks catalog photo.

Can you ride a motorcycle? You'd better tell the truth

Jim Dance, liar.

"Can anyone ride a motorcycle?" the sergeant asked.

"I can," lied infantryman Jim Dance.

The result? Dance spent the next 14 hours "driving" a wheelbarrow.

The experience left him with a lifelong aversion to padding his resume. He regretted this handicap very much, as he viewed padding your resume as the surest way to get ahead in life.

Dance was a columnist for The Miami Herald newspaper until his death in 1983 at only 59 . I worked for the newspaper at the time, but it was a big enough operation in those days that I never met him.

I almost preferred it that way, so that I could imagine him as he portrayed himself in his column: a complete rascal, who viewed journalism not as a profession but "a dodge."

Unlike most columnists he didn't just poke fun at politicians. He poked fun — and worse — at editors. I assumed that is why, after rising at one point to the exalted rank of associate editor, he went on to write a column carried on the same page as the comics.

Editors never look at the comics unless Doonesbury is getting them in trouble with readers again. So Dance was free to carry on his insurgency under the radar.

I love the comics and so do most newspaper readers. That made Jim Dance our little secret.

The real Jim Dance might not have been an easy man to work with. Reading between the lines of his obituary in The Herald there is the hint that Dance was harder to handle than the smiling, bewhiskered face above his column implied.

Black Beard the pirate probably was no fun in person, either. But who hasn't chuckled at his supposed remark that he had to shoot someone from time to time, just so people would remember who he was?

Dance, too, was a master rogue, at least to hear him tell it.

He delighted at the disapproving glances of fellow passengers when he escorted a beautiful blonde on a cruise. She was young enough to be his daughter! — which, of course, she was.

Every Jim Dance column was a voyage over a waterfall, where the righteous were disarmed with a sly smile and the powers-that-be were torpedoed instead of triumphant.

I still miss his wit and the wisdom behind it.

If he never learned to ride a motorcycle, at least he had the gumption to lie to a sergeant about it.

Cute kid and motorcycle a natural photo

This fine photo won my personal Pulitzer Prize for photography recently. It's my niece's son Willam aboard his grandfather's motorcycle in California. Like most boys, William likes motor vehicles.

Posing smiling children on motorcycles is a tradition as old as motorcycles. It usually works out better for everyone than that other tradition of motorcycle photography: asking your girlfriend to pose wearing a smile.

Motorcycle safety's easiest little tip

The Motorcycle Rider Course I took to get my license taught me a lot of things, but one tip sticks out. I may never master counter steering or some of the other big concepts, but this little piece of advice was easy to put into effect. I find that I never forget to do it and it saves me potential trouble at every intersection.

What is this fantastic little tip? You might laugh.

The technique is simply to ride with your throttle hand held so that the finger tips are atop the front brake lever -- but not far enough to operate the brake. Your thumb wraps firmly around the throttle (as it must, since it is the only grip you have on it). Perfectly comfortable, but very important.

Here's why: holding your hand like this insures that when the time comes to grab the brake lever, even in an emergency, you will automatically close the throttle with your thumb as you stretch your fingers to reach the lever. Simple, huh?

What happens if you don't do this is dangerous and unsettling. If you ride with your fingers wrapped around the throttle (as I typically hold a bicycle hand grip), your hand can be in any position at all, depending on how much throttle you're using.

In an emergency, you won't think. You'll open your hand (thumb included) and grab forward for the lever. When you get it, you'll clamp down hard, pulling back and down to get maximum pressure. That back-and-down movement will actually roll on more throttle as you apply the brake.

Since you instinctively grabbed for the clutch with your other hand, the engine will begin roaring as you're trying to stop. It's terrifying: I know, because I didn't count this little tip for much in class and had to experience an emergency stop without it for myself.

Got a tip you'd like to share? Comment here.

What's your excuse for not riding today?

What's your excuse for not riding your motorcycle today?

You'd think I would have no difficulty getting out for a ride here in sunny Florida. Glorious weather abounds. But my Royal Enfield Bullet remains in the garage.

"You're not riding your motorcycle enough," my wife commented the other day. Perhaps she has noticed my mood is less optimistic, less joyful. For me, it's not "the economy stupid." The problem is that I haven't had a cobweb clearing ride in weeks.

Or, maybe, more ominously, she means that a motorcycle sitting under wraps in the garage is not earning its keep. Kind of like a husband who hasn't worked since last July? I don't think she means that.

But, just to be certain, I dove under the kitchen sink Sunday morning. The water supply line had burst Saturday evening, just minutes before a guest arrived for dinner. Time to earn my keep.

My household plumbing is every bit as reliable as my Bullet. Just as the motorcycle sits parked above pans to catch oil drips, a variety of cups and bowls rest under the sinks to catch water. But a burst line was too serious to ignore so I got out my wrenches. Owning a motorcycle, I have a fairly nice collection of wrenches.

I would ride the Royal Enfield Monday, I promised. No more excuses!

Monday morning a dump truck deposited what I'd guess is a ton-and-a-half of mulch on my driveway, in front of the garage, for a long deferred landscaping project.

Luckily, being a blogger, I have a fairly nice collection of shovels.

What's missing from my tool kit? 3 things

There is no use being didactic about what you should carry in your Royal Enfield motorcycle tool kit. Your choices, like mine, will tell you more about your psychology than the motorcycle's likely ills.

For instance, I make room for the 11/32nds screwdriver socket wrench because it is ideal for setting the timing on a test run. That's an infrequent job, and usually done on a special outing, so it would be easy to keep the tool in my garage and pull it out only when needed. But the fact is that I don't want to bother having to look for it, so I keep it in the Bullet's tool kit because I'm lazy!

The number of cloths and wipes I've squirreled away on the Bullet is loony. Every roadside repair is likely to be a greasy mess, but carrying eight rags and towels is just eating up room.

And why am I carrying the tire prying irons if I don't have a spare inner tube or even a patching kit? (For that matter, I also don't have a tire pump to re-inflate a repaired tube.) The reason is simple: the pry bars came with my tool kit from the factory and, sentimentally, I like to keep the original tools together.

This applies to the factory-supplied tube wrenches I carry. They're fairly crude, and the one that fits the spark plug is a sloppy fit. I prefer to baby my spark plug with a socket that caresses it with a foam insert. But my foam filled socket is kept in my garage, where it will be of no use roadside.

It's silly of me to not carry any screwdrivers. True, the Leatherman tool on my belt provides them, but the folding nature of the tool means they are somewhat weak; they could never be used to pry anything apart. Also, it's awkward getting the tool into small places to use them.

The "missing tool" most complained about in the factory kit is the lack of any wrench or socket big enough to remove the big rear axle snub nut . I don't have any wrench in my garage that will do the job and yet fit into the Bullet's tool boxes -- a seeming dilemma. My excuse for not worrying about this is that I don't think I will ever need that tool roadside.

Why? Because the Bullet's Quick Detach rear wheel can be removed without loosening the snub nut. Remove the castellated nut (a factory wrench does fit that) and "pull" out the axle. The wheel now comes off and you can stand on the tire sidewalls to get it off the rim and pull out the inner tube for repair or replacement.

Thing is, you probably are going to have to "gently" hammer on the axle to get it out; and I don't carry a hammer. If I had a wrench big enough to remove the axle snub nut, I suppose I could use it as a hammer!

The biggest waste of space in my tool kit is the tiny jar of motor oil (it's actually a 35mm film container). That little oil will never "top up" a Bullet seriously low on oil. If a bit of oil is needed for lubrication, I could always get it off the dipstick.

I used to carry my spare inner tube, but I didn't like the way it had to fold and pinch to fit into the tool box.

The biggest shortcoming in my kit is pointed out in the comment by StL Stadtroller (see previous item). I have no electrical repair tape or tape of any kind for that matter.

The comment from Chris Bartlett notes that he carries a flashlight. That is an awfully important item on a dark night. For the moment, I'm going to say that the miniature flashlight on my keyring will suffice.

So, the "Three Things" I most need to add to my tool kit, in my opinion:

• Screwdrivers.


• Electrical tape.


• Tire inflator/patcher.

What's in your motorcycle tool kit?

Classic Royal Enfield Bullet motorcycles came with two spacious tool boxes. The factory supplied a tool kit, one spare fuse and some bikes even carried a spare inner tube when customers picked them up.

Experience quickly taught riders that more was needed. I learned fast that it was essential to carry a spare clutch cable. But that wasn't all I found necessary. I recently inventoried my tool boxes to discover that the main thing I had added was rags for wiping up after roadside repairs!

Although the list of things I carry is long, it is by no means satisfactory. I notice that I have left out at least three essentials. Can you guess what they are? Here's what I DO have:

Left tool box

• Leather fanny pack to contain tools.
• 1 rag to cushion fanny pack inside tool box.
• 3 additional rags.
• Factory Whitworth wrenches.
• Tube sockets and bar to turn them.
• Adjustable spanner.
• Pliers.
• Spark plug gaping tool.
• Bent bit of metal for feeling for piston at TDC.
• Tire prying irons.
• Screwdriver socket for adjusting points set.
• Tiny bottle of motor oil.
• Bungee cord.
• See-through plastic pouch to contain supplies.
• Allen wrench for tightening controls on handlebars.
• Wet wipe (probably long since dried up).
• 2 paper rags.
• Box of 20 Amp fuses (5).
• Chain master link.
• Tire valve cap with wrench end.
• Spark plug (pre-gapped).
• Bolt for left-side shift bodge.
• Clutch lever cable retainer.

Right tool box

• Owner's manual.
• Insurance card.
• Registration.
• Wet wipe (probably long since dried up).
• Throttle cable.
• Clutch cable.
• Plastic bags to keep these dry.

Next time: What's missing? If you'd like to guess what I have in mind, let me just add that I always wear a Leatherman tool, which provides standard and Phillip's screwdrivers, another pliers and a knife.

Dawn's early light shines on Royal Enfield

I'll get around to Royal Enfield motorcycles in just a moment. But first, consider the creatures of the field. Each day, as spring approached, they must have noticed that human beings slept a bit later and started a little slower.

To the birds and even the cats and dogs of our suburbs, the day starts with the dawn, not with the chime of an alarm clock. How blissfully peaceful it must have seemed for them, waking to a sunny silence unbroken by the clatter of human activity. Each day the humans seemed to sleep a bit longer.

And then, all at once, Sunday morning and especially this Monday morning, the humans, almost all of them here in the United States, jerked into wakefulness a full hour earlier, with the sun still below the horizon. The roar of traffic and, yes, the throb of motorcycles pierced the dawn.

Do you think they wonder how we do it? To them, birds navigating thousands of miles across oceans is unremarkable. But the ability of all human beings to arise at the same moment, and to change that moment universally by an entire hour on the same morning must seem incredible.

The truth is, we too wonder why we do it, when the alarm sounds an hour earlier on Monday morning. I am unemployed, with no time clock to punch, but, thankfully, my spouse still has a job. I get up to show moral support and make the coffee.

Like many of you, I motorcycle, bicycle, hike and canoe to get closer to the natural world. Riding a Royal Enfield motorcycle lets me slow down the march of time to a pace more suited to appreciation.

But it is hard to appreciate having to startle myself awake an hour earlier for Daylight Savings Time.

Brainy new gizmos improve Royal Enfield

Sensors will help manage the new unit constructed engine (UCE) on 2009 Royal Enfield motorcycles. They are designed to be trouble free, so most riders won't even notice them, but the clever ways they improve performance and fuel economy are worthy of notice.

The sensors monitor engine speed, temperature, throttle position, manifold air pressure and oxygen in the exhaust. Another notices if the bike has fallen over, and cuts the engine. Still another sensor warns the rider that fuel is low: when the Low Fuel warning lights up on the gauge, you're "on reserve" (less than 1.7 gallons) and need to find a gas station.

Also in that gauge in the headlight housing is the Malfunction Indicator Lamp (MIL), shaped like a little motor. It warns the rider that a sensor has notified the black box under the seat of a problem. That electronic control unit (ECU) will remember the problem and pinpoint it later for a mechanic.

It's all part of an Engine Management System that employs electronic fuel injection, electronic ignition and catalytic converter to make the Bullet faster, more reliable, more fuel efficient and cleaner.

Most of the sensors are tucked out of sight but one, the oxygen sensor on the exhaust head pipe, could not be completely hidden. To work, explained Royal Enfield's Hari Kumar, the sensor must be an exact distance down the head pipe from the motor.

To continue working, it must stick into the head pipe from above, so moisture and carbon fall off instead of falling inside it. To be replaceable, should it ever stop working, the senor must stick out of the head pipe, which could make it a wart on an otherwise handsome part of the motorcycle.

Hari smiled as he used his hands to describe how Royal Enfield engineers were required to angle the sensor so that it worked and was safe but enters the pipe from just around the left side of the bike, where the frame down tube partly hides it and distracts the eye.

It's just an example of the surprising care that Royal Enfield put into the new product. The UCE engine will power the G5 and retro-look C5 motorcycles when they go on sale in the U.S.

Who has the most interesting Enfield?

You have the most interesting Royal Enfield motorcycle. Yes, you do. Even if it is bone stock, it is unusual, because so many are customized.

I'd love to do a blog item here about your motorcycle. What's special about it? What made you buy it? When did you know that you and your Royal Enfield were bonded for life?

Write your story and send me an email at david@royalenfields.com Include a picture of you and your bike.

We're all in this together. Tell me your story.

I'm listening.

Imagine a Royal Enfield that doesn't leak

Scooter Bob, left, and factory reps "Viki" Vikram, next to Bob, and "Sarv" Sarveswaran, at right, take on the new UCE.

His name isn't Bob and he never sold scooters, but everyone calls Greg Stewart "Scooter Bob." It's a happy sounding nickname for a "just folks" kinda guy who loves Royal Enfield motorcycles.

Stewart is also obviously tremendously competent when it comes to things motorcycle. Again and again, the former dealer for and now employee of Classic Motorworks shares what he knows.

The occasion was a training session Feb. 12 and 13 for Royal Enfield dealers at the U.S. importer of Royal Enfield motorcycles. In front of a dozen men, all experts themselves, Scooter Bob disassembled and then put back together Royal Enfield's new unit constructed engine (UCE).

He had a lot of help from three men from the factory in India: Royal Enfield's V. Vikram, senior manager of service; K.S. Sarveswaran, of engine design and development; and Hari Kumar Kanakala of engine management systems.

The new engine, in Royal Enfield terms, is nearly a miracle. The classic Bullet motorcycle, made in India almost unchanged since 1955, carries oil in the engine, different oil in the transmission and yet another batch of oil around the clutch. Typically, it leaks from all three places!

The UCE combines all of the bits into one lump served by a single supply of oil. Elaborate precautions have been taken to make sure none of it leaks.

That is only the most obvious improvement to a motorcycle that still looks like a classic, but analyzes its own faults with an on-board computer. More about that tomorrow.

Sarveswaran, left, and "Harry" Kumar help as Scooter Bob disassembles the new motor.

Learning to love the new Royal Enfield

Dealers watch disassembly 0f UCE engine.

They rode the motorcycle! A dozen Royal Enfield dealers gathered at importer Classic Motorworks Feb. 12 and 13 in cold Faribault, Minn. They were there to learn to service the new unit construction engine (UCE) that will transform the Royal Enfield motorcycle when it arrives in the United States.

What they really wanted to do was to ride the one UCE motorcycle on hand: a lovely G5 Royal Enfield Bullet.They rode, in some cases, without helmets, without gloves and, in one case, even without a hat, in weather below freezing.

A look inside the new UCE engine.

It would be hard to imagine a group of people more enthusiastic about a motorcycle. But, in fact, there were three men on hand who fit that description.

These three were from the Royal Enfield factory in India, visiting Minnesota to introduce an amazing accomplishment: a Bullet that is faster, more reliable, nearly maintenance free and that doesn't seem to want to leak oil.

V. Vikram, K.S. Sarveswaran and Hari Kumar Kanakala did not hide their obvious pride as the Americans expressed surprise and delight at the UCE Bullet.The phrase, repeated over and over again, was: "this is a game-changer."

'Plastic Motor Works?' Oops.