Saturday, September 13, 2008

Royal Enfield's 10 Commandments

At one point, the fictional (we suppose) Maj. Bertram "Bunty" Golightly decided to improve on the 10 Commandments, with typical assurance that he was as great an authority, at least so far as Royal Enfields were concerned. His version, which first appeared on the Royal Enfield Yahoo message board:

Hello Bulleteer chums,

I say this ten commandment malarkey, what a spiffing idea! I had an idle moment one evening after foxhunting with the bullethounds and came up with a few commandments meself — eh what! So here goes : the ten commandments according to Bunty [King James edition].
  1. Thou shalt have no other motorcycle higher in thy esteem other than Royal Enfield.
  2. Thou shalt not wear any graven image upon thy person that depicteth another brand of motorcycle. For the Royal Enfield is a jealous motorcycle and will visit iniquity upon those that worship other brands.
  3. Thou shalt not taketh the name of thy Royal Enfield in vain , yeah even though the oil leaketh profusely and the ignition sparketh not.
  4. Remembereth thou the Bullet day. 5 days shalt thou labour, on the sixth day shalt thou buy spares and fitteth them, on the seventh day the open road is thy duty and thou must rideth.
  5. Honour the factory workers in Redditch and India that thy days may be many upon the saddle that they have made for thee.
  6. Thou shalt not seize thy Bullet, but breaketh in the engine with sympathy and accelerateth with care.
  7. Thou shalt not fitteth accessories from the land of the rising sun, nor storeth thy Bullet within the same garage as oriental motorcycles.
  8. Thou shalt not steal a Royal Enfield, neither shalt thou selleth parts upon eBay at exorbitant prices.
  9. Thou shalt not tell pork pies [lies] upon the website neither shalt thou utter profanities thereupon.
  10. Thou shalt not covet another's Royal Enfield, neither shalt thou covet another brand of motorcycle.

    (NB — no disrespect intended and with due gratitude to the original author)

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