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Friday, February 14, 2014

Valentine's Day lies to tell your lover

If there are 50 ways to leave your lover, a Triumph Spitfire is No. 1.
Just out of bed and stumbling to my laptop, the morning's first cup of coffee in hand, I accidentally search for "Triumph Spitfire" on CraigsList.

Why? Mumble. Snort. Must of had a bad dream or something.

Anyhow, up pops a delightfully written ad for a 1978 Spit, a car from the Southwest, with "minimal rust."

The seller admits that the driver's door opens from the outside handle only, the passenger side only from the inside. He has no idea how many miles the car has been driven — "the odometer has never worked." All standard British sports car features.

And only $2,000!

But wait! This ad was posted in 2009. The car is undoubtedly long sold. What is this still doing on CraigsList?

And so I learn — you no doubt were already aware — of something called "Best of CraigsList."

CraigsList users can nominate clever ads for this honor by hitting a small "heart" button in the corner of the ad. CraigsList doesn't review the nominated items, and so warns that the results "may be explicitly sexual, scatological, offensive, graphic, tasteless, and/or not funny."

The ad for the Triumph Spitfire certainly qualifies as at least amusing. It comes complete with helpful advice on how to justify purchase of such a vehicle to a Significant Other. It's a list of lies.

And then there's this:

"This car played a role in the unraveling of a particularly dumb marriage, and for that I am glad. I should keep it as a memento but feel it might help some other trapped person break the bonds of a loveless relationship."

Happy Valentine's Day.

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